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Ambrosia Times: Are you John Champlin? Someone told me to give you this slice of cheesecake.

John Champlin: Ahh, my Achilles Heel.

AT: Glad you like it. Well, you're the new data entry guy at Ambrosia Software; how does it feel?

JC: Well, it ain't rocket science! But it still kicks butt!

AT: Are you intimidated by the fame that comes with working at Ambrosia?

JC: No, in actuality I didn't realize how big Ambrosia was until I came to work here!

AT: You appear to be settling in well. Has anything been rocky for you?

JC: Nah. Ambrosia is a cool place.

AT: How does it feel to be the second John C. in the office?

JC: Soon I will be number one and then -- THE WORLD!! No one can stop me! HA HA HA HA!

AT: What did you do before you came to Ambrosia? And what are you doing now besides Ambrosia?

JC: I'm a graphic designer, I still work at a design studio as their head illustrator.

AT: How's the cheesecake?

JC: Good, got another slice?

AT: No more for you, big guy. What is your ultimate dream?

JC: I don't have too many big dreams. I don't want the world, I only want your half.

AT: And your worst nightmare?

JC: The downfall of the Macintosh! That, or "A Spice Girl Family Christmas Special."

AT: What's your fave Ambrosia title? Why?

JC: Apeiron. I like those classic type games, as well as the Star Wars and Star Trek add-ons!

AT: Tell me the story of your conversion to Macintosh from Intel-based machines.

JC: Those are dark days that I hope to forget. I go to group therapy every week!

Hi, my name is John,
and I used to do Windows!! (sob)

Everyone: Hi John!

AT: If you could be any kind of tree, which would it be?

JC: A pine tree. Then, I would feel so naked in the winter!

AT: Is it true that one morning you woke up, and got dressed only to find a ticking bomb in your underwear?

JC: I wish I had found it before it blew up! My voice is still a few octaves too high!

AT: What about the time you were escaping from a prison camp on the island of Wahawahooyippee?

JC: Fighting for my freedom with my bare hands, climbing over their dead bodies, and finally escaping with only my sanity hanging by a thread. It's like being in a Walmart After Christmas Sale!

AT: You also saved the world once or twice, didn't you?

JC: Yes. Once, I saved the world from biological terrorism, it was a heroism to the strongest degree. And the second time is still top secret. If I told you I would then have to kill you all. But let me assure you the earth is safe, for now!

AT: Well, I guess it's a good thing we've got you on our side. Please don't hurt me.

JC: Only if you beg!!

AT: Looks like my time is up - and you've got some Slithereens orders to enter. Thanks for the interview.

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