Ambrosia Times: Are you John Champlin? Someone told me to give you this slice of cheesecake.
John Champlin: Ahh, my Achilles Heel.
AT: Glad you like it. Well, you're the new data entry guy at Ambrosia Software; how does it feel?
JC: Well, it ain't rocket science! But it still kicks butt!
AT: Are you intimidated by the fame that comes with working at Ambrosia?
JC: No, in actuality I didn't realize how big Ambrosia was until I came to work here!
AT: You appear to be settling in well. Has anything been rocky for you?
JC: Nah. Ambrosia is a cool place.
AT: How does it feel to be the second John C. in the office?
JC: Soon I will be number one and then -- THE WORLD!! No one can stop me! HA HA HA HA!
AT: What did you do before you came to Ambrosia? And what are you doing now besides Ambrosia?
JC: I'm a graphic designer, I still work at a design studio as their head illustrator.
AT: How's the cheesecake?
JC: Good, got another slice?
AT: No more for you, big guy. What is your ultimate dream?
JC: I don't have too many big dreams. I don't want the world, I only want your half.
AT: And your worst nightmare?
JC: The downfall of the Macintosh! That, or "A Spice Girl Family Christmas Special."
AT: What's your fave Ambrosia title? Why?
JC: Apeiron. I like those classic type games, as well as the Star Wars and Star Trek add-ons!
AT: Tell me the story of your conversion to Macintosh from Intel-based machines.
JC: Those are dark days that I hope to forget. I go to group therapy every week!
Hi, my name is John,
and I used to do Windows!! (sob)
Everyone: Hi John!
AT: If you could be any kind of tree, which would it be?
JC: A pine tree. Then, I would feel so naked in the winter!
AT: Is it true that one morning you woke up, and got dressed only to find a ticking bomb in your underwear?
JC: I wish I had found it before it blew up! My voice is still a few octaves too high!
AT: What about the time you were escaping from a prison camp on the island of Wahawahooyippee?
JC: Fighting for my freedom with my bare hands, climbing over their dead bodies, and finally escaping with only my sanity hanging by a thread. It's like being in a Walmart After Christmas Sale!
AT: You also saved the world once or twice, didn't you?
JC: Yes. Once, I saved the world from biological terrorism, it was a heroism to the strongest degree. And the second time is still top secret. If I told you I would then have to kill you all. But let me assure you the earth is safe, for now!
AT: Well, I guess it's a good thing we've got you on our side. Please don't hurt me.
JC: Only if you beg!!
AT: Looks like my time is up - and you've got some Slithereens orders to enter. Thanks for the interview.