by Jason Whong
Ambrosia Times: I've seen you before. And who might you be?
Matt Walicke: There are those who call me... Matt.
AT: Right! Right! The pianist. The singer. The...
MW: ...Lone Musician of the Apocalypse! Think of me when you look at the night sky.
AT: Oh, good. Well. What are you doing here at Ambrosia?
MW: It's all a part of my plan for global domination... don't tell anyone.
AT: So, you are the Service Rep of legend? The one the prophets said would light our darkest hour?
MW: Yea, bring me your license codeless, those tormented by Captain Hector, the eager to play level 5 of Mars Rising, and they shall be fulfilled.
AT: Looks like things are good, because our darkest hour wasn't very dark at all.
MW: Prophets ARE prone to hyperbole.
what skills do you bring with you that help you in this special quest?
MW: I sing, I dance, I can play "The Yellow Rose of Texas" on my throat... mostly though, I bring my clear, thundrous voice, my sparkling personality and my caffiene induced energy.
AT: Since money is obviously not your motivation, what is your personal reward?
MW: Free coffee, of course.
AT: You 've got a pretty mean ship in EV Override. Any reason for this?
MW: My ships not mean... just misunderstood.
AT: What is your favorite food to eat?
MW: Meat cooked over an open flame.
AT: And your favorite color?
MW: Hunter green.
AT: And your favorite minimalist composer?
MW: Toss up between Reich and Adams.
AT: And your favorite presocratic philosopher?
MW: Lao Tzu.
AT: Last one - your favorite shoe (not a pair of shoes, but a single shoe)?
MW: A pimp shoe with a goldfish bowl in the heel.
AT: All right! I'm told you've driven the Hummer before?
MW: Indeed, and I laid serious strip out on Park Ave.
AT: I wish he would let me drive it. But maybe I'm just a loser.
MW: I bet he'd let you drive it if you killed him and took it.
AT: Hey! This isn't about me. It's about you. Tell me your corporate mission.
MW: I'm sorry, that information is classified.
AT: And you play our games, too, right?
MW: You better believe it! I'm Archbishop of Apeiron, Master of Mars Rising, and Emperor of Escape Velocity.
AT: Ah. Well, unless you can think of anything especially interesting to say, I think it would be a good time to stop the interview.
MW: Something interesting, eh? Never say "Anyang Hashimnikka" to a Samoan. Most Samoans do not understand Korean.
AT: How interesting! Well, our time is up, and here comes the taskmaster with the whip! Duck and cover!