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Up Close and Personal

Gayle Haarr

This issue we're chatting with the newest member on Ambrosia's home team, Gayle Haarr.

[Gayle Haarr Picture]

Ambrosia Times: Tell us a little bit about yourself -- you know, what you put on your resume minus the "embellishments" and with a little soft side.

Gayle Haarr: I grew up in a Cleaver style household, Dad went off to work in Corporate America and Mom stayed home and baked cookies for us kids. We even had a dog and lived in a small town. However, I was deprived the "white picket fence" needed to complete the picture. What more could a kid have asked for growing up?

Now, I'm a 22 year old recent graduate of St. John Fisher. I graduated with a B.S. in Accounting, and one very broken foot. That was tons of fun! After college, I worked for a large international company for eight months in a boring, dead end job.

Now, I'm a happy person again here at Ambrosia.

Ambrosia Times: No, you still can't have that polyester love seat you've been requesting. To get to know you better, we'd like to find out a few things about you. What would we most likely find you doing on a lazy Saturday afternoon?

Gayle Haarr: On a day off, you'd find me out getting some kind of exercise: a walk, jog, or bike ride. If it's really nice out, I'd be off in some park soaking up those dangerous UV rays.

However, if the clouds are in the sky, it's a pretty safe bet I'm in a mall shopping for clothes. To be completely honest, at least an hour of my day would be spent in front of a television set watching my soap. In the evening you could find me at a bar with friends having some fun.

I realize I sound like the stereotypical female, but you asked.

Ambrosia Times: What are three things you want to make sure you do in life before you shuffle off this mortal coil?

Gayle Haarr:

  1. I have always wanted a St. Bernard and a horse. One day I will be the proud owner of both. I'm trying to convince these guys that it is time to get a new office pet, and a big St. Bernard would be ideal. For some reason I can't seem to find anybody to help support me in my canine quest. I would appreciate any support that I can get from all of you.

    Right now, it looks like I'll have to wait to own my big, sloppy, and slobbery pet. Okay, the horse isn't your average everyday house pet either, but I still want one. Now, I just need the land and the money to buy one. That may take me a while but it is nice to dream.

  2. I want to regress back to my childhood for a week. I want to get the whole family together and take one more family vacation. I grew up going camping and canoeing with the family every weekend, so I want to put the whole family back in the canoes and head off. On these trips, we always had the best times. We had to get along and talk since we were each others only source of entertainment. We'd always leave the seriousness and problems behind, then go off into the middle of nowhere. Maybe, I just want to escape reality for a week and have some fun without all of life's modern conveniences.
  3. Lastly, I want to travel the world. If I had to pick only one country to go to, it would be Norway. The first time we went to Norway, I was rather young so I want to go back now that I would appreciate it more.

    I would especially like to spend a week in the small town of Odda. It is situated on a scenic fjord where the sun never sets in the Summer. Also, my father is Norwegian and we have a large amount of Norwegian friends and family that I would enjoy seeing again.

Ambrosia Times: Tell us a bit about your duties at Ambrosia. Is it true that without you, Ambrosia would have been acquired by Microsoft?

Gayle Haarr: I can confirm the rumor that before I came to Ambrosia, they were about to be taken over. However, I can't be sure that Microsoft made the only offer. I heard from an anonymous source that Ambrosia was a hot prospect for many larger fish in the corporate sea.

Don't worry folks, I've straightened that out, and we're staying just the way we are. You Won't find us selling out to "Corporate America" as long as I'm around.

A day in the life of Gayle starts off with entering all the registrations into the database and getting your license codes. Once, I have all of those done, I start taking care of the finances. I handle all the accounting, the banking, and bill paying. I am the financial contact for outside sources. The ordering and purchasing of supplies is part of my responsibilities. Also, I help in making future purchasing and financial decisions.

Ambrosia Times: Please elaborate on the persistent rumor that your name was once "Garth."

Gayle Haarr: This rumor simply isn't true. My name was never Garth. Sorry to disappoint you all, I did not have a sex change.

However, I will let you in on a little family secret. We think that I was either switched at birth, or I'm the milk man's son. I don't resemble anyone in my family. My entire family has dark hair and dark skin, I have fair skin and dirty blonde hair. Rumor has it that the milk man was fair skinned with dirty blonde hair, but he wasn't around after my birth.

We even moved from Chicago to New York shortly after my birth, so I'm extremely suspicious. I'll never know who my real parents are.

Ambrosia Times:Tell us: What is it really like deep in the bowels of Ambrosia HQ? Is Andrew truly a cyborg? What goes on during an average day?

Gayle Haarr: I'm still trying to figure out if Andrew is a cyborg. He seems pretty human to me, but the other day while jogging with him, I thought I saw a computer chip sliding out of his ear. He tried to cover it up, but I think I know what I saw.

At this time, I can't be absolutely sure, but I am leaning towards the cyborg side. I will definitely keep you all up to date on any new developments. Suspiciously, I've never seen him going off to the men's room!

We all have things that need to be done during the day, but we always seem to have enough time to have a few laughs. Normally at my expense! Since I'm the new employee I seem to be the center of most office jokes.

I have had termites eating away at my computer screen, the cat's been put in my desk drawer, I even find other peoples sneakers in my drawers. Who knows what will happen to me next? I may end up locked in my own desk.

Despite the fun that we have, there's an awful lot of different projects going on at Ambrosia central. I'm currently working on our office move. [note: although Ambrosia is moving offices, our P.O. Box address and all other contact information remains the same] We have rented new office space in downtown Rochester, and we need to have a lot done before we move. I'm hoping that all my efforts will make our move nice and smooth.

Also, I am trying to budget our resources to cover upgrades and expansions that we want to incorporate into our move.

Ambrosia Times: If you were reincarnated as an animal what would it be and why?

Gayle Haarr: That is easy, I'd want to be a dog. Who could ask for a better life? You'd have people to do everything for you. Humans take care of supplying food, water, shelter, and grooming. A dog has all the free time in the world since it doesn't have to worry about any of the important issues. Dogs lead a completely stress free life!

Most dogs spend eight hours a day roaming around the house doing whatever they please while their master is at work. They sleep all day and nobody calls them lazy. A dog sits on any piece of furniture that they please, and no one tells them they aren't allowed to.

Also, a dog normally controls its owner, not vice versa. You figure the dog just ignores the master if it doesn't want to play. If the dog wants to play and the master doesn't, the dog always wins.

Dogs get to go outside whenever they please. They just run to the door and bark whether nature calls or not. Who wouldn't want someone to take care of your every need and be there whenever you wanted them. Furthermore, a dog has a loyal friend for life.

Ambrosia Times: Reminds of your stay at "Happy Fields Institute" does it Gayle? Open Question: What do you think about what Ambrosia is trying to do by distributing software electronically as shareware?

Gayle Haarr: As an outsider, the whole concept of shareware made no sense. This interesting idea of electronically distributing software to people all over the world for free really threw me for a loop.

I didn't understand how it was possible to make any money, let alone stay in business by asking people to please pay for something that they already have. I couldn't believe that people would actually send money.

However, now that I'm on the inside, I understand the advantages of shareware. It's a great idea. We're able to keep the prices low enough that consumers can easily afford our products. This process allows us to avoid all the middle people, the packaging, advertising and marketing expenses.

Now the shareware process seems incredibly logical to me. Try it out and if you like it pay for it, if you don't like our products just throw them out. Doesn't seem too complex, but I try to explain it to people who ask about my job and I get the same somewhat odd looks that I'm sure I made in the beginning.

Ambrosia Times: Anything you'd like to pass on to our loyal customers?

Gayle Haarr: Please keep sending me your interesting comments on your registration forms, you make my mornings entertaining. I will try to keep you informed of any new office dirt that I think you may find interesting in the future. It only seems fair if you're sharing with me, I'll return the favor.

Who knows, the longer I'm here, the more little bits of information I can pass on to all of you. Maybe next month I will have figured out if I'm right about Andrew being a cyborg.

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