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Up Close and Personal with Jason Whong

Ambrosia Times - Halt, I hear something! Who is it that bangs the cowbell?

Jason Whong - It is I, Jason Whong. Fighter of injustice, defender of the honest, and obliterator of the world's meanies.

AT - Egads, the new crusader for Ambrosia? I have heard of thee, but that still does not explain the cowbell...

JW - What, this? Oh... this helps me complete my secret disguise. [ringing the bell] I'm a rowdy soccer fan. I'm not Jason Whong anymore. Would you like to hear my soulful renditions of Rhinos soccer chants?

AT - Um, no thank you. Where did you recieve your training, and what were you concentrating your studies upon during this time?

JW - I studied Television Production at Ithaca College in Ithaca, NY. I considered minoring in Computer Information Science, but I decided against it because of the strict math requirements. Math just doesn't agree with me. And with my luck, math is usually right.

AT - What are your duties around Ambrosia, and do you have any epics to tell those who are unaware of your might?

JW - I'm in charge of marketing here. Much of what I've done has been settling in; updating internal records, making contacts, writing press releases, and such. I'll also be in charge of putting together the Times. Additionally, I'm focusing on some other interesting new directions for Ambrosia: Worldwide ftp mirroring, distribution with major computer manufacturers, and Ambrosia merchandise such as T-shirts, CDs, mousepads, and the like.

AT - How did you decide to become the crusader for Ambrosia?

JW - To be honest, I was wary of leaving the Washington, DC area for Rochester. But I figured that I'm young and unencumbered, so I might as well try my hand at something I'd enjoy. Who wouldn't enjoy telling the world how great Ambrosia's products are?

AT - So, was there a beast in the area that they needed help with subduing, or did you just offer your services to them?

JW - Well, there was no formal job listing that I responded to. There was a discussion on an e-mail list somewhere about Ambrosia's need for a marketing person, and a friend of mine posted about it on his web page. I wrote to Andrew, and we started talking about it.

AT - Did you have to prove your abilities in any way, such as wrestling their resident strongman Terrible Tom, or racing the speedy Aaron the Atom?

JW - To be honest, I didn't think I had a chance. All I had going for me was 6 years of online experience, and 4 years' worth of hardcore Mac knowledge. However, my academic background was in television, not marketing. Because I was persistent about it, and since I could do this for a month in a professional manner, and without becoming annoying, they must have thought I'd be good for something.

AT - Was our kingdom what you expected? Were there any glaring differences in what you imagined it was like?

JW - I honestly thought it would be in a basement because all of the photos I had seen depicted pipes running around all over the place. Much to my surprise, the office is on the 4th floor. I also thought each of us might get a Hummer, but I was definitely wrong about that one. Although, Andrew takes me for rides occasionally.

AT - There has been a dispute across the land as to the definition of offsides in soccer. Can you lay to rest this quarrel?

JW - Any offside call against the Rhinos should be declared invalid on account of the linesman being blind. If that doesn't happen, my cheering section should perform cruel and unusual acts on the linesman's effigy. Continued use of the offside call against the Rhinos will result in serious taunting of the referees, chanting slogans such as "The referee needs Rogaine!" and "We know where your car is parked!" It doesn't exactly lay the controversy to rest, but it's a lot more fun than just booing.

AT - What do you do when not on your quests here?

JW - You can always find me in a crowd - I'm the one with my head buried in the Rochester road atlas. I'm discovering the land, the people, and the radio stations. I frequent Korean restaraunts. I'm also an online activist. Check out my webpage for some of the causes I support.

AT - Do you have any other skills that are worth noting?

JW - I can touch my elbows together behind my back. I can move my scalp by sheer willpower alone. I speak a bit of Italian, Spanish, Korean, and Latin. I can prepare and eat Maryland Blue Crabs. Hot sauces don't faze me. And I've rescued the data from a 1.4MB floppy that was dropped into a college dormitory toilet.

AT - Should I ask?

JW - It was a lengthy procedure, requiring great skill and rubber gloves.

AT - Do you find that the Rochester weather is able to be handled? Though we have had a good summer, are you prepared for our winters?

JW - As long as it doesn't rain as much as it did in Ithaca, I should be OK. If the winters become too cold, I might try my secret machination: convincing Andrew to relocate the offices to the I-270 Technology Corridor in Maryland. It's much warmer there, and only 1 millisecond from MAE-East, a critical part of the Internet's backbone. Doh! Did I just divulge my secret aloud?

AT - Yes, you did.

JW - Ack!

AT - Keeping with the questions concerning the weather in our realm, what do you recommend for the summertime blues?

JW - There ain't no cure for that. Seriously, though: Don't spend the summer indoors. Try meeting new people, especially from different generations. Take them all on a picnic or a fishing trip. You might think the "take time to smell the flowers" movement is sappy and sentimental, but the older you get, the more sense it makes.

AT - Is there anything that you would like to say to your fans and followers out in the realm?

JW - Will you please stop asking me to upload pictures of my housemate, Lori, to my web page? Yes, she could be a model if she wanted to. No, there is nothing going on between us. And no, she does not entertain dating or marriage proposals via the Internet.

AT - And finaly, and most importantly: Do you deliver?

JW - Thank you for your interest in Ambrosia's business practices. Your question is certainly valid, however it concerns priveleged information. If you'll kindly sign this 2-page nondisclosure agreement, and step into this clean room, we can begin to discuss your concerns. Pretty swift, huh? I sound like a genuine Public Relations representative at a Fortune 500 firm, don't I?

AT - Truly, the kingdom is much safer because of our new crusading champion of goodness, Jason Whong.

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