http://www.adultswim.com/games/fiveMinutes/index.html

2:37. The fastest way is to just keep pissing off the Christians. They'll kill you really fast.

I got 2:32, after the shark, pinata, and weasels.

1:35, with the candle+aerosol combo, espresso maker in the microwave, shark, a stapler, and the weasels.

I probably could have done faster if I hadn't come back down for the microwave and stapler.

Edit: corrected first combo.

2:10
i'm going to do better though.

2:38

Talked to the Christians, flame-throwered myself, put on the pinata for the 3 guys, put the metal in the microwave, and pissed off the muscle lady.

I demand that dart guys and AOL CD guys, as well as spilled tacks be added to this game. Evil robletarians would be nice, too, but not necessary.