A Public Service Announcement from Hector D. Byrd

Posted May 1 2008, 12:00 AM


Sure, I am an evil force that most logical people are scared of, and rightfully so. But, what some people don't realize is that I'm also very serious about my health and regular medical check ups. 
It's a poor leader that allows her health to get in the way of world domination. So, I would like to take the brief moment to talk to you, Evil Overlord to Minion, about taking time to see visit your local doctor or health provider.

I am not a spring chicken, and these past 15 years of ruling over Ambrosia have been stressful. The constant cracking of whips to get the programmers working, the screaming, biting, and threats to others to make sure my food is there, water fresh, and toys to my liking. It was time for me to dust off the wings and make a trek to the local Veritable Evil-Overlord Technician, or as you call them Vets. 
Much like the Pope, a special traveling vehicle has been retrofitted to ensure my transit is a safe one. Who knows when there will be an assassination attempt upon my life by unseen forces. So, a hardened shell wraps around one of my more versatile perches, as Magnus offers me and my protective vessel a ride in his unmarked car. We easily glide past throngs of people that normally would stop and wave, or possibly bow at my passing. 



Once we arrive at the Vet, they even force the illustrious leader of Ambrosia, and soon the free world, to wait. I fill my time by watching Magnus fill out paperwork, and study the fine art collected to demonstrate the fact that birds of all shapes and colors have had human slaves doing their bidding for quite some time. 



It was only a few moments and they ushered my servant and myself into the office away from the drooling and panting residents residing in the brightly lit and colorful waiting room. Where yet again we are forced to wait it out, in an even smaller and less colorful office, but, at least the annoying amount of pamphlets had seemed to subside. So, Here I wait.



During this time of waiting in the Doctor's Office, I urge all my minions to take a moment to look at the documents on the wall to ensure that their primary health provider is indeed who they claim to be.



The technicians does the preemptive screening, looking me over, and figured out that my weight is a tad more than it should be. Well, at this I scoff at them, and tell them that I care not for this, for the slaves that fan me daily and feed me the exotic foods I love shall continue doing so until I demand them to stop.  
That is when she gets the doctor. A more thorough screening was done.... 



He had informed me that I was overall healthy, and a very lovely bird (I think he said that to ensure a place in my group when I take over the world). But, that good Eating habits are a must for a long and healthy life. Informing me that a balanced diet full of fruits, vegetables, meats and less nuts might ensure that my life expectancy might reach the fullest range possible. So, when he puts it that way I can understand, better meal, longer life, long time to rule with an Iron Beak. I like the way he thinks. In the end the doctor had given me a Clean Bill of health, trimmed up the nails, and cleaned out a few of the old feathers, and gave the beak a good grinding to ensure the proper biting shape when clamping down upon my minions and victims. 
So, I leave you with this Message from Hector D. Byrd, Official Ruler of Ambrosia Software. 


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