Story and Artwork by John Champlin
(With severe apologizes to Random House and Dr. Seuss)
All the Crew
down in Ambrosia
Liked Christmas a lot...
who lived in a cage in the office
She did NOT!
Hector hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
Whatever the cause and we have no real clue,
She stood there on Christmas eve, hating the crew
For she knew all the crew at Ambrosia Software
was busy being gleeful with out a single care.
And the crew they'd do something, She liked least of all!
All the crew of Ambrosia,the tall and the small,
They would not come to work, and stay home for the day
Their computers stayed off, no one programming away.
"Why for 10 birdy years, I've put up with it now!
I must stop this Christmas from coming!
... But HOW?"
"I know just what to do!" Hector laughed in her throat
With her little birdy wings she made a Santy Claus hat and a coat
"All I need is a reindeer..." Then Hector looked around
In rochester, reindeer are scarce, there are none to be found
Did that stop our Hector...? NO! Hector simply said,
"If I can't find a reindeer, I'll make one instead!"
So she searched the office and the only dog to be found
Was Driver, the Rhodesian Ridgeback Hound
Out of old computer parts and office supplies
She built a quick sleigh right before the dog's eyes
To be pulled by her pseudo-reindeer named Driver
Was a sled that looked created by an evil MacGuyver
Loaded with bags, on this ramshackle sleigh
Hector started on her plan to ruin everyone's day.
The first home she came to was the receptionist Charlene
Her evil plan was simple to pick the place clean
All the Programmers and Artists in Ambrosia's Crew
Were robbed and stolen from and nothing they could do
Yes Andrew's house was last on the list to defame
Hector smiled to herself, as she checked off his name.
Down the chimney she went,needing no house key
To steal all the goodies from Andrew, Polly, and Moki
She stuffed all the bags up the chimney with glee
"And Now!" grinned Hector "I will stuff up the tree"
Grabbed in her talons, Hector held onto the Tree
She pulled and she tugged the spruce up the chimney
When she heard a small sound like buzz of a bee
She turned around fast and saw the face of Polly
She stared at Hector and said "Santy Claus, Why,
Why are you taking our Christmas tree? WHY?"
In her little bird brain a lie had planted it seed.
She said "a new tree is needed for Moki has peed,
Your Christmas tree is soiled, my sweet little tot
no worries at all, I'll get a new one at the tree lot.
So, I'm taking it out, so it won't bother you my dear.
I'll be back in the flash, I'll bring a new one back here."
There are no big Mountains for all these presents to take
So, her only real options were to push them into the lake
With the Ambrosia Crew's presents and the home decor
Hector would not need to worry of Christmas No More
"When the Crew wakes up, I'll know it will be fun"
"They will scream and shout, and call 9-1-1"
"Their mouths hanging open, and fire in their eyes"
"They'll scream into the phone 'I hope the person dies'!"
"What a nice little sound, that I really want to hear"
So, Hector turned her head and strained with her ear
To catch the sound of the Ambrosia Crew crying
as they realized that the holiday season lay dying.
Hector was right, there was no sound of merry
Just the screaming of people, that sounded quite scary
Hector laughed, knowing Christmas was quite dead
The crew with out presents were all seeing red,
for the first time in eons she felt sort of bad
for the holidays were ruined, and should she feel sad
She looked at the sleigh, and felt an odd feel
For she had taken their presents and even their meal
Should she bring it all back, all the things she did take
She shook her head "NO" and pushed them into the lake
All the presents sank down to the icy cold bottom,
And Hector sat laughing cause she knew she got them
For their holiday was ruined, and no one could save
Any of the food, or the presents they gave
And what happened then...?
Well... at Ambrosia they say
The little birdy vanished
in an odd sort of way
Her perch was left empty
only a few feathers were found
The empty shells of peanuts still litter the ground
The Ambrosia Crew still had a large xmas feast
Andrew himself carved up the roast parrot beast.
From all of us here,
the Ambrosia Software Crew
Hope your holidays are fun,
and your New Years is Too!
Moral of the story:
We have the holidays off, and Hector is evil.
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