How Hector Stole Christmas.

Posted Apr 12 2007, 12:00 AM

Story and Artwork by John Champlin 
(With severe apologizes to Random House and Dr. Seuss) 
 
 
 
All the Crew 
down in Ambrosia 
Liked Christmas a lot... 
But Hector, 
who lived in a cage in the office 
She did NOT!

Hector hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season 
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason. 
Whatever the cause and we have no real clue, 
She stood there on Christmas eve, hating the crew 
For she knew all the crew at Ambrosia Software 
was busy being gleeful with out a single care. 
 
And the crew they'd do something, She liked least of all! 
All the crew of Ambrosia,the tall and the small, 
They would not come to work, and stay home for the day 
Their computers stayed off, no one programming away. 
 
"Why for 10 birdy years, I've put up with it now! 
I must stop this Christmas from coming! 
... But HOW?" 
 
"I know just what to do!" Hector laughed in her throat 
With her little birdy wings she made a Santy Claus hat and a coat 
 
"All I need is a reindeer..." Then Hector looked around 
In rochester, reindeer are scarce, there are none to be found 
Did that stop our Hector...? NO! Hector simply said, 
"If I can't find a reindeer, I'll make one instead!" 
So she searched the office and the only dog to be found 
Was Driver, the Rhodesian Ridgeback Hound 
 
Out of old computer parts and office supplies 
She built a quick sleigh right before the dog's eyes 
To be pulled by her pseudo-reindeer named Driver 
Was a sled that looked created by an evil MacGuyver 
 
Loaded with bags, on this ramshackle sleigh 
Hector started on her plan to ruin everyone's day. 
The first home she came to was the receptionist Charlene 
Her evil plan was simple to pick the place clean 
 
All the Programmers and Artists in Ambrosia's Crew 
Were robbed and stolen from and nothing they could do 
 
Yes Andrew's house was last on the list to defame 
Hector smiled to herself, as she checked off his name. 
Down the chimney she went,needing no house key 
To steal all the goodies from Andrew, Polly, and Moki 
 
She stuffed all the bags up the chimney with glee 
"And Now!" grinned Hector "I will stuff up the tree" 
Grabbed in her talons, Hector held onto the Tree 
She pulled and she tugged the spruce up the chimney

When she heard a small sound like buzz of a bee 
She turned around fast and saw the face of Polly 
She stared at Hector and said "Santy Claus, Why, 
Why are you taking our Christmas tree? WHY?"

In her little bird brain a lie had planted it seed. 
She said "a new tree is needed for Moki has peed, 
Your Christmas tree is soiled, my sweet little tot 
no worries at all, I'll get a new one at the tree lot. 
So, I'm taking it out, so it won't bother you my dear. 
I'll be back in the flash, I'll bring a new one back here." 
 
There are no big Mountains for all these presents to take 
So, her only real options were to push them into the lake 
With the Ambrosia Crew's presents and the home decor 
Hector would not need to worry of Christmas No More

"When the Crew wakes up, I'll know it will be fun" 
"They will scream and shout, and call 9-1-1" 
"Their mouths hanging open, and fire in their eyes" 
"They'll scream into the phone 'I hope the person dies'!" 
 
"What a nice little sound, that I really want to hear" 
So, Hector turned her head and strained with her ear 
To catch the sound of the Ambrosia Crew crying 
as they realized that the holiday season lay dying. 
 
Hector was right, there was no sound of merry 
Just the screaming of people, that sounded quite scary 
Hector laughed, knowing Christmas was quite dead 
The crew with out presents were all seeing red, 
 
for the first time in eons she felt sort of bad 
for the holidays were ruined, and should she feel sad 
She looked at the sleigh, and felt an odd feel 
For she had taken their presents and even their meal 
Should she bring it all back, all the things she did take 
She shook her head "NO" and pushed them into the lake

All the presents sank down to the icy cold bottom, 
And Hector sat laughing cause she knew she got them 
For their holiday was ruined, and no one could save 
Any of the food, or the presents they gave 
 
And what happened then...? 
Well... at Ambrosia they say 
The little birdy vanished 
in an odd sort of way 
Her perch was left empty 
only a few feathers were found 
The empty shells of peanuts still litter the ground 
The Ambrosia Crew still had a large xmas feast 
Andrew himself carved up the roast parrot beast.

From all of us here, 
the Ambrosia Software Crew 
Hope your holidays are fun, 
and your New Years is Too! 
 
Moral of the story: 
 
We have the holidays off, and Hector is evil.