The Scratching Post: A Crappy Cleanup

Posted May 5 2010, 03:25 PM

Yes. It's that time of year already. The sun is shining, the snow has receded, and our adopted 3-mile stretch of highway is needy again.

Because we don't want anyone calling the highway protective services on us, the Ambrosia crew did our parental duties and spent some time with our ramshackle looking span. While spending the afternoon removing bits of plastic from drainage ditches along a busy road is not exactly idyllic, these cleanups do provide our staff members with quality time outside the office.

This spring, in contrast to last year's initial cleanup, was relatively painless. It appears our highway's drug use is down-- we didn't find any syringes or wayward prescription bottles-- and there were no dead critters decomposing in the weeds. In fact, John even hit the jackpot when el' Presidente launched a filthy abandoned hoodie at him, which turned out to contain a nearly unscathed iPod Touch! The iPod had no identifying information, aside from a few photos that could have doubled as album covers for some aspiring band from New York's Lower East Side, so John happily declared ownership of the little treasure.

While souring the grass, each hoping for our own brush with John's good fortune, we took note of a very disturbing trend-- a trend SO disturbing, WE were even disturbed! In the brush alongside the road, we began finding not just dog poop, but bagged dog poop, discarded. That is to say, someone took the time to pick up their pets fecal matter, put it into a non-biodegradable plastic sac, and then simply tossed it back on the ground (or, in our case, the bushes).

Not only does this make absolutely no sense at all, but it was such a widespread problem, we began to get repulsed. While plucking these brutally ripe fruits from the trees, our entire crew swore vigilante justice. We mused whether this problem was caused by one individual-- a serial dump dumper-- or whether there is something in the water in this part of town that causes people to lose all common sense! Either way, if we catch anyone tossing more pre-packaged turds into the brush along our highway, rest assured that our developers can, and will, implement a code for destruction!

Although our highway is now sparkling clean, the other road that runs alongside our office remains under construction. This has caused many lunch-hour road-rage scenarios at the intersection; some of which are hilarious, others a little frightening. As if the nice weather wasn't distraction enough, the beeping, yelling, and clanging of road work continues to draw my attentions outside!

Meanwhile, I remain in the office, wearing a sweater (stupid HVAC!!), and wishing the sunshine would stop only working 9-5 Monday through Friday!

(Editors Note: For Kat's fans, I offer you this Special Springtime Image)

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To all of you poop baggers everyone a favor, if you're going to put your dog poop in a plastic bag, and then toss the bag into the trees... just leave your dog's poop on the grass. At least it'll bio-degrade then.

People amaze me sometimes.

On May 6 2010, 03:08 PM, by andrew

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