The Scratching Post: Trick or Trash

Posted Nov 8 2010, 01:08 PM

Last week our already peculiar crew decided to get extra weird with it during our first ever Ambrosia Halloween Spook-tacular. Ok, So I made up that terrible name, but we did have a great party!

Sadly Evan didn't even dress up for it.


As you may well know, every few months, our IT guy, Jake, likes to take the troops out for a little sunshine, exercise, and fresh air… Oh yeah, and picking up garbage along the highway! If this sounds like incarceration, just wait till I get to the fashionable yellow vests!

As my coworkers and I marched down the familiar stretch of road, filling a gigantic orange bag with discarded cigarettes, pill bottles, and automotive debris, I began to soften my very anti Adopt-a-Highway stance. I don't know if it was the fumes from the (seemingly endless) roadwork, or the fact that this cleanup was our least-intensive one yet, but at some point I realized that participating in this program hasn't been nearly as bad as my attitude about it. Well, except that one time we found a dead Raccoon… And all the pre-packaged dog doody… and the wayward prophylactics

What I mean to say is, I decided to take a look at the up sides to voluntarily cleaning a long stretch of busy road in Rochester's suburbs. Top on this list, of course, was sheer comedy value. There are few things more hilarious than abandoned garden gnomes, empty packs of erectile dysfunction medication, and rejected children's toys. The guys also derived entertainment by dropping snails into my boots, shouting back at construction workers, and (very heterosexually) grab-assing each other with the Unger Grabbers.

Another thing I enjoyed about Adopt-a-Highway was the profile of society one busy length of road can encapsulate. For instance, I've deduced-- based on the sheer volume of tiny booze bottles-- that it is commonplace to have a few cocktails while cruising home from work or the doctors office. I have also concluded, based on the number of empty protein drinks and supplements, that people enjoy bulking up while behind the wheel. Other relevant observations: nobody wears watches anymore, "Black and Milds" are a choice product, and Styrofoam is the devil; especially once it's been hit with a lawn mower.

With another Adopt-A-Highway season coming to a close, all in all I think spending a couple hours outside, even cleaning up other people's garbage, wasn't quite treachery. In fact, although most of our crew might not admit it so readily, adopting Westfall road brought us just a little bit closer-- if only for the sake of our highway.

Speaking of sharing sappy sentiments-- to include everyone in the horror I am currently experiencing, I'd like you to know that I've begun selecting our office holiday cards. Yes. I said HOLIDAYS. EEP!

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